I could sit here and state the fact that no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever fully trust a man not to just give up and leave when he decides he doesn’t want to be around anymore. I could sit here and state how you made me afraid, because if a man who is meant to love me unconditionally won’t, what man could ever love me?
But that’s not what I want this to be about.
I can’t tell you how many times I get asked about you; every new person who comes along in my life, who I’m simply just getting to know, etc. They all ask the same very common question. It used to bother me to tell people that I’ve never met you. It doesn’t much anymore. Sometimes I wonder how in the world you could have a child out there and not know one thing about them. Do you wonder what I look like? Do you wonder what I’ve done with my life? Do you wonder what kind of mother I am to my children?
I had to see my friends go to daddy-daughter events and know that the reason I wasn’t invited is because they didn’t want to see me hurt. Even now, on Sunday, I watched fathers baptize their daughters at church and realized there is nothing I’ll ever be able to do to have those kinds of memories, because you simply weren’t there.
My family members would tell me, “It’s his loss. You don’t need him.” And I guess part of what they said was right. I didn’t need you; I wanted you. While yes, I grew up with father figures and eventually got an amazing step-dad, it still hurt. We are told early on that our parents will love us unconditionally, for the rest of our lives and you did not.
I wanted to learn life lessons from you and as it turns out, I did. You ended up teaching me some important things without even being here. Yes, I am afraid of being left by anyone who walks into my life, but I know that if they do leave, I will survive. I learned what it was to be strong in a situation where someone who is meant to love you, does not. If it weren’t for you and your absence, I wouldn’t understand the importance of a step-parent and how incredibly impactful they can be.
Most importantly, I learned what kind of parent I will be…
I WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
If you ever wonder about my well being, just know that all is well. Know that I forgive you for choosing not to be around. Thank you for bringing me into this world and the gift of life you gave me. From the bottom of my heart, I hope you somehow find peace with your decision.
The Daughter You’ve Never Met